Filling the Silence
by thatpetesgirl
Summary: Hermione is coming to terms with her own demons. Spending eithth year alone isn't what she wanted, but was sadly what she expected. Slow going for a while, will be updating as I finish chapters. Please review :)
1. Prologue

**A/N:**

I do not own Harry Potter or any characters. i am only taking credit for the story.

Any and all reviews are MORE than welcome. Let me know what you think. I'll be posting new chapters as they are conpleted. Hope you enjoy this short intro. **Prologue**

Sitting alone was not the way I wanted to start the new term. I wanted to be sitting in a compartment full of boisterous noise. Full of Ron complaining about the work that will pile up until I help to write his essays. With Harry and Ginny makes me not Ron turn red with the snogging they always seem to be doing.

But I'm alone. Not even Neville wanted to sit with me, opting to sit with Luna in a compartment all their own. I don't blame them though. I'm different this year. I'm not the same brave and daring book work they relied on in tough times. I'm just a shell of that girl. And if I'm being honest, I should have died in that battle four months ago.

No one really understands why I feel that way, hell, I don't either. All know is that too many people died that night. Too many people gave their lives so muggle-borns like me can live a life in this world. Families were torn apart, and I know I have no one in this life as I once did.

Harry and Ron have tried to make me feel loved, but they don't see that they're hurting me more. I can't even go back to the muggle world to my parents. They were found shortly after I left them. I have no one in any world. So here I am, alone on my way to Hogwarts for my final year. More as a way to distract myself before facing the loneliest of lives. I can only hope that I can find something worthwhile after graduation. Something to fill the silence.


	2. Chapter One

Hermione

Arriving wasn't as special as it used to be. This castle that once felt like home was haunted now from the battle. Scars in the stones shone from the torches lighting the path. Signs of the battle still fresh in the air. It was a somber ride to the castle. Most students saw the threstrals now. No one escaped without some sort of trauma.

I know I wasn't the only one suffering, but I also know I was one of the few who had no one to turn to when it got bad. Ron was there for a while, but Fred's death was hard on the whole family. We started drifting apart. Ginny turned to Harry for comfort, and they have been together since. I don't see them letting each other go.

Molly and Arthur tried to take me in, but they too were hit hard. Losing a child has to be the worst feeling. I don't blame them for forgetting me.

Setting foot in the Great Hall was sad. I could still feel the death in the air. Taste the copper from the blood that was splattered across the walls not so long ago. I saw the lifeless forms of friends and allies along with those of the Death Eaters.

Finding a seat at the end of the Gryffindor table, I saw who also meandered through the hall somberly. A few stuck out like sore thumbs. Malfoy and Parkinson walked to the Slytherin table arm in arm. A few more Slytherins joined not long after.

Neville joined me in silence. It's always silent around me. Nobody wants to push me to talk, but it's what I need. Why can't anyone see that.

I just want to scream! I want to feel something other than loneliness and hear something other than the deafening silence.

Draco

Everyone was sneering. Everyone but Granger. She sat alone looking dejected. Longbottom sat next to her, but said nothing. She looked up at him and I could see her whole body slump with a sigh.

Pansy looked where I was and sighed as well. "You aren't responsible for all of her suffering you know. Maybe she and the weasel broke up. He and Potter aren't here you know."

I looked at her in pure shock. "I don't think I'm responsible for all of it Pans. I just know I contributed to most of it. If not me, then my family."

Looking at the table as the food appeared I lost any appetite I may have had. The Great Hall was suspiciously quiet. Even the new first years were subdued. I hope this doesn't last. I came back to get a sense of normalcy in my life. As well as being away from that dreadful place I called home.

After the feast Professor McGonagall began her start of term speech. "I know this term will be hard for most students here. We have all suffered greatly from a madman bent on destruction. I hope the first years and those who did not participate in the battle will respect those who did and not ask the questions I know you all have.

All students who have returned for their eighth year please remain after, as I have important information for you. All other students may return to the dorms. Prefects please lead the way."

With that the hall was all but empty. Only a handful had returned. I looked around and noticed the hateful glares sent our way.

Hermione

This cannot be happening. I must be dreaming, back in my bed in the tall Gryffindor tower. Sadly, I know I'm not.

"I know you lot have faced more than anyone should have ever asked of you. And I know I am asking even more of you now. Please see that this is to keep the younger students from pestering you when you want to relax and get away." Her tone was saddened, not her usual pointed way of speech.

I knew the year would be lonely, but this was not something I saw coming at all. A shared dorm for us all. The select few. Hannah Abbot looked how I assume I did. Just plain sad about not being in her own dorm. She was a lone Hufflepuff. Ravenclaw didn't fare much better. Cho Chang and Padma Patil were standing close together as the only from their house.

As for us from Gryffindor, Neville, Pavarti, and myself were present. Pavarti looked as if she could cry at any moment. I don't blame her though, her best friend died that night. Who wouldn't be upset being in the place their family (even if only the kind of family great friends are) gave their life fighting a crazed man.

That's when I noticed them. That's when I felt my back straighten with abject fear. I had known a few would be back, but not so many. Malfoy, Parkinson, Greengrass, Zabinni, and even Nott. To make matters worse, they all seemed to be gawking at me.

Almost involuntary I moved behind Neville. A shield from those who, not so long ago, wanted me dead. From behind my friend, I saw Malfoy wince. As if my fear saddened him. Obviously that can't be the case. He hates me. They all do.

"Please follow me to your new dorms." McGonagall led us to the third floor and down a long corridor, only stopping at suit of armor. She turned to us and said, "the password is unity. I am hoping you can all put your differences aside and make new friends. I know it will be tough, but please try."

And with that she was gone. "Unity." I heard Malfoy's drawl as he said our password. We all walked in and searched for our rooms. The common room was spacious. Desks lining the walls, plush couches in front of the hearth, and door separating boys and girls.

Following through door for us girls I saw two dorms. Each with names on a plaque. The Patil twins were with Cho, Hannah and I were with the two Slytherin girls. I groaned inwardly. This year was to be an absolute disaster. Finding my bed was easy, it was the only red and gold one in the room.

Climbing into my four post bed, I shut the curtains and cast a silencing charm. No need to wake the girls who hate me with my nightmares. I cried that night until sleep took me.


	3. Chapter Two

**Chapter Two**

 _All I heard was the screaming. Screaming from a far away source, yet it still sounded like it was right next to me. That couldn't be right. Wait, where am I? I can't see anything, why can't I see anything? The sound of the screams was slowly fading, what a relief._ _Suddenly the screaming stopped, but the pain started. It was excruciating. The worst pain imaginable. It didn't last long, but I heard the screaming again. Is that me? I can't tell for sure. It has to be, it sounds like me. The screams are no longer the only sound I hear, now laughter fills my ears. The most maniacal laughter I've ever heard, and it sends chills down my spine._ _"Scream you filthy little mudblood! Music to my ears!" More laughter follows. Seemingly endless laughter mixed with my pain. Why is this happening? Why can't I just open my eyes?_ _With that thought my eyes rip open. Looking around hastily I find something I recognize. Though I'm not sure how I do. It's a young man, maybe my age. He looks so familiar, but I can't place him. His platinum hair is short, but the front of it falling into his eyes. And those eyes, deep pools of mercury. Filling with tears as I look deep into them. Looking for the spark, the spark to tell me who he is._ _Then it hits me. I know who he is, I know where I am. I struggle, try to move, but something is pinning me down. Looking up, I see her. I see her, and I start to panic. A tightness starting in my chest, moving through my whole body. I can't get her off, I can't even make her move. She reaches her arm towards my own arm, and searing pain shoots through me again. This time it's not from the cruciatris curse, it's a knife. Cutting deep, pain and fear are all I know now. As soon as she's had her sick fun with that cursed knife I feel the pain from Crucio hit again. Now I know for sure it's my screams filling the room._

 **Hermione**

I woke up screaming. But that's how I wake up everyday now. The big difference about today is that I'm not alone. I can feel someone shaking me, looking around I see Pansy Parkinson of all people trying to wake me up and calm me down. My silencing spell must have worn off last night, damn.

"Granger, are you okay?" Pity filled her voice, I hated it. She shouldn't pity me! She should hate me. "Please say something, we need to know you're okay."

Looking around I saw more faces. Daphne Greengrass and Hannah Abbot peered though the curtains. I can't believe they all heard me. I shouldn't have come back here.

"Hermione, if you ever need to talk I'm here. We might not have been in the same house, but I'm a great listener," Hannah calmly said to me.

I looked up at her and smiled. "Thank you, I'm fine. Just another nightmare. I'll silence my bed better tonight. I am really sorry I woke you three up."

Pansy got out of my bed and opened the curtains wide, "don't sweat it. We all have nightmares, just probably not about the same things as you. Daph and I are also here if you want a good shoulder to use."

I couldn't help but gawk at her, and she noticed. "What? We aren't heartless, we had some fucked up stuff happen to us too. Not like you, Potter, and Weasel. But still stuff."

 **Draco**

"I'm telling you, she doesn't sleep. At least not well. You should have heard her Draco, it was heartbreaking. She's reliving something awful every night." Pansy was filling me in on her morning in the new dorm over breakfast. Breakfast, who has an appetite at all these days?

I sigh, "like you said last night, she isn't my responsibility." Taking a bite of my eggs benedict, I notice her across the hall. Sitting alone again. She never used to be alone.

"There you go again, twisting my words. I swear to Merlin you only hear what you want to." With that she stood and walked across the hall. Every eye on her as she sat next to Ganger. I wonder what the rumor mill will make of this.

 **Hermione**

I'm not quite sure what's happening right now. Since when am I friends with Slytherins? I shouldn't really complain, Pansy and Daphne have been nothing but nice to me since the start of term (not like it's been that long, three days). It's nice having people around.

"So anyway, that's when Blaise decided that he wanted to go skinny dipping in the Black Lake, like that was a bright idea. The Giant Squid was swimming near the surface and could have drown him, what a shame." Pansy recounted a tale from fifth year, much to Daphne's amusement.

"Harry and Ron never did like the lake. They said it was too dangerous. Yet we always seemed to be right in the middle of something," I grinned. Thinking of the happy times made my heart clench, I sure did miss the boy. They were out living their lives though, without me.

Daphne looked across the table at me, "so what are those boys up to now? Chasing more dark wizards across Britain?"

"Honestly, I don't know. We haven't really spoken in months. They're busy with their own lives, and they don't have time anymore," I slumped down into myself. I hated thinking about how they didn't want to be here with me. Hell, they didn't even send a single letter via owl. And who knows if any of my letters made it to them, or if they were just ignoring me. Sighing I pushed my food around my plate, nothing was appetizing anymore.

Pansy and Daphne looked shocked. "We would have assumed they were at least writing you. Wanting to make sure you're okay and all."

Looking into the negative space between both girls I shrugged. There was nothing to say really. It felt like I outlived my usefulness to them. "Its fine. Being alone isn't so bad," I mumbled. We all knew I was lying though. They could see the pain and hurt in my eyes and on my face. Everyone in the bloody castle could. So why couldn't my best friends see it? "I'm headed to the library, see you back in the dorms later." And with that I was gone.

The library was still my haven. The stacks provided a comfort like nothing else. I found a table in the back, near the restricted section, and silenced the area. I didn't need anyone to walk up and hear me. Madam Pince would not like the disturbance anyway. Setting out all the books I would need I began writing the assignment for Potions.

I must have lost track of time because before I knew it, the candles were all hut burnt out, and I had written sixteen inches on the subject. After packing up my belongings I headed to my dorm for a (hopefully) good night's rest.


	4. Chapter Three

**Chapter Three**

 **Draco**

I don't know what to do. Sleep is evading me, food doesn't taste good anymore, and two of my friends are blatantly ignoring me. Blaise and Theo are also tired of hearing me complain about Pans and Daph. Seeing them across the hall everyday is torture. They always listened to me and offered advice when they could. But they're over there, with her again. Listening to her, comforting her.

"Oi mate, stop glaring. Let them make new friends," Blaise stated annoyed. I looked at him, also annoyed. His brown eyes were lit with a humor I didn't like. I just know he's planning something, something I won't like one bit.

Theo laughed, "you know they will always do what they want to, right? You don't get a saying their lives Draco."

I hate me friends. Sadly nothing can be done about them. They all know me too well, and it's still nice to have people that know your demons. People to help work through them. "That's why they sit over tothere!" The thought just popped out of my mouth.

Both Blaise and Theo burst into laughter. I glared at both of them, but not nearly good enough, because they started laughing even more. "I hate you guys, you know that right?"

Blaise looked across the room and my gaze followed. We saw Daph talking very animatedly, arms waving to make a point. Pansy was laughing, head thrown back in excitement. And Granger was meekly laughing along, like she was almost uncomfortable. Blaise saw it too, "I wish she would open up to them. Not because I want to know, but because her friends aren't here with her. Come to think of it, I haven't seen a single owl come for her."

Theo spoke up finally, "that poor girl. Maybe we should spend some time with the bird. Give her some attention of the male kind." He wriggled his eyebrows suggestively.

He nudged Blaise, and like that, I was alone.

 **Hermione**

Pansy and Daphne we're reminiscing about something or another, I wasn't paying much attention as two of the Slytherin boys were on their way over. I could feel my heart start racing as the beginning of a panic attack formed. I know they weren't a part of the Death Eaters, but my logical brain was not in control. I was in fight or flight mode.

The two girls saw my reaction, and turned to see their friends approaching. Pansy reached across the table and put a comforting hand on my arm, letting me know nothing bad was going to happen. "Blaise, Theo, long time no see." She smiled at the boys, as easily as I would have at Harry and Ron.

"We saw you three over here laughing, thought we could join in. Draco's being a buzz kill over there. All mopey you two are over here with Granger," Blaise plopped down next to me. His cocoa colored eyes looked me over, I could barely suppress the shiver trying to crawl up my spine. "How's it Granger?"

I have no idea what to do. This is too much. All I wanted to do was get up and run. Where to? I'm not entirely sure, but I just can't be here. Glancing around the room I started to stand, that's when I felt her hand on mine again, "it's okay Hermione. I promise everything will be just fine."

I'm still not sure how Pansy of all people managed with wiggle her way into my life and into my heart. I'm thankful she did, the fact that she's trying means the world to me. And that's why I adore her and will do everything in my power to let her know I appreciate everything she's doing for me. With that in mind I sat back down. She moved to sit next to me, to help keep me calm.

This did not go unnoticed by the rest of her friends. Theo raised an eyebrow, "so how long have you two been this buddy-buddy?"

"Come off it Nott, I know the three of you were all jealous. Not just Draco, but he was probably the most moody," Daphne piped up.

Forgetting my fear, I giggled at the exchange between friends. I missed this. They may not all be my friends, but they let joy back into my life. I looked to Pansy, and she was smiling at me. That brilliant smile best friends have for each other. I smiled back at her and turned to Daphne. We aren't as close as Pansy and I, but I hope to become great friends with her as well. The boys though, I wasn't so sure about. I already had two boys, but they forgot about me. And I don't think I could deal if we became friends, and they decided I wasn't worth it. At least Pansy and Daphne shared a dorm with me, they've already seen me at a very low point.

I changed a glance across the hall to the friend they left behind, and I was met with a cold stare. Those silver eyes bore into mine. I couldn't suppress the chill that ran up my spine. He still hates me. I could see it plain as day, written all over his usually imperceptible face. The emotions he kept hidden away had come to the surface just to let me know things haven't changed with the two of us, except maybe they were worse now.

I watched him push his food away from him, and get up from the bench. He glared before storming out of the Great Hall. I sighed, I logically know his pain and suffering had to have been unimaginable, but a part of me still wanted to save the boy he was in sixth year. I desperately wanted to help him escape from the shadows that we're Voldemort. How can I so easily care for a person who tormented me so mercilessly. How could I want to help someone who couldn't even bother looking at me when I was branded a mudblood.

Not wanting to let everyone see my panic, I excused myself to the loo.

 **AN:** Hey guys, sorry it was a bit of a wait for chapter 3. I've been working a lot recently. Mama needs that overtime.

Anyway, the new chapter is up. Hope you like it, reviews are amazing to me. Let me know what you feel.

I do not have a beta, but if anyone wants to be mine let me know. I'm always up for come constructive feedback.


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